I want you to know my story. I am not sure why. Perhaps it will give you courage to press on. Perhaps it will give you courage to stop. You tell me.
This is my story. It was amazing at times. It was painful at times. But at all times it was beautiful. I am posting it here because it cannot be denied and will not be forgotten. The memories, both good and bad, will forever be a part of me.
You can read more posts about Jack and for Jack in my Categories found on the side bar:
A-to-Z Challenge (a variety of things for Jack)
Jack Pissed Me Off
Letters for Jack
Poetry for Jack
Promises. Does anyone live up to them? Does a promise made by one person become an unrealistic expectation of another?
I think I am over the anger and bitterness and disgust that I harbored for him and what we had done. But with letting go, those feelings of love and lust and adoration come creeping back in.
I want it to end. And I want it all back. If this is anyyhing close to what hell feels like, I really need to pray more.
H – how do you live with yourself
A – acknowledge what you’ve done
T – treat me with respect
E – even under these circumstances
Why do I still ache for him? I am extremely happy with my life, my career, my marriage, I am happy. But every day I think about him. What he’s doing. Is he happy? More than anything, I want him to be happy. If I knew he was happy, I think I could move on. But I have this sick feeling I will never know. And that’s the way he wants it.