“It can never happen to me”

Have you ever said those words?  I have.  Many times.  I was wrong. And I shake in my own skin as I write this.

You all know of my fairy-tale romance:
The Story of Jack.

I recently found out that everything I had with Jack was a lie.  It had happened to me.   My first reaction was to expose him for who he is and what he does.  But for what reason?  And at what cost?    I am not the first he had done this to.  And I will not be the last.

Women don’t want to hear the truth when they are on the middle of being manipulated, by Jack or anyone else for that matter.   Men like Jack have a way a making you feel special, different, like you are the only one that understands him.  He needs you.  The way that Jack spoke to me, the times he layed in bed and “cried” with me, the way I felt with his arms around me,  the lies he told to make me think that we had a connection.   All are a part of his emotional warfare. 

Later after the excitement wears off, he is perpetrating his next victim while making you feel like you are crazy.  Like you are the one with the problem.   Like you are the reason things changed.  Truth is he has no time for you anymore.  Your mere existence is a bother.  But he won’t be the one to cut the strings because he still wants to dangle you by a thread.   Eventually the string does break and you come tumbling down. Get up bitch.  You can do it.

I told you “Don’t get attached.”    Somehow this statement he made in the beginning makes it easier for him to sleep at night.

I prayed for Jack everynight.  Prayed for good health for his wife.  Prayed that God would bless him with a child. Was that a lie too?  His desire to have a child?  Let’s hope so.  Men like Jack have no business dabbling in procreation.   My prayers for him will be different going forward.  One day he will be absent from my prayers altogether. One day.

The saddest part?  Well, I gave him a part of me that I gave no one else.  A part of me that I will never get back.  Men like Jack feast on that.  The conquer.  It’s no surprise he lives with demons inside of him.  How silly of me to think I was the one to change that.   The one to make a difference in his life.  The one to show him what true love is.  Oh, silly girl!

And the best part?  The best part is I have closure and I can move on while he suffers in his bubble filled with foolish women who thinks he is as awesome as he thinks he is. How I wish I could be there to see the bubble pop, or better yet to stick a pin in it.

DId I get what I deserved?  Probably. But  I’m better than that.  I know it.  And he knows it.

A-to-Z Challenge – The Letter Y

You

“You will always be in my heart”

The last kind words Jack spoke ( or wrote ) to me. It’s what I will choose to remember the longest. Or better said, what will be forgetten last.

And it will be forgotten. If nothing else, Jack taught me that nothing lasts forever.

A-to-Z Challenge – The Letter W

When ….

When you are looking down
from your pedestal
remember it was me
who put you up there

When you are bending down
to pick up your child
remember it was me
who sacrificed so you did not have to

When you are laying down
and dreaming of your happiness
remember it was me
who made you laugh and smile

When you are just down
and don’t know where to turn
remember … it was you
who walked away and didn’t look back

Things I Love

There are certain things that I just adored about Jack.

I loved that when we went to eat that he would share a meal with me.

I loved that he was willing to try new things.

I loved that he was willing and eager to introduce new things to me.

I loved it when he told me stories about his country.

I loved the comfort that I felt with him at every moment.

I loved being in front of him on an escalator and
he’d pull my hair back and kiss my neck.

I loved to hear him say “I love you, babe”

I loved having his hands on me, even when my clothes were on.

I loved showering with him and I am regretful that
we didn’t use that tub for a bubble bath.

I loved just laying in bed with him and talking.

I loved hearing him laugh.

I loved how he would make me laugh.

I loved the way the clicked with each other.

I loved our connection.

I loved standing on a street corner with
my arms wrapped around his waist.

I loved stopping in the middle of a walk for that public display of affection.

I loved that he was never in a hurry to do anything and
if we didn’t do everything he was OK with that.

I loved people watching with him.

I loved feeling like I was the only other person in the room.

I loved the texts he would send me.

I loved being his sweetheart.

I loved that he thought I was funny and witty and smart.

I loved that he thought I was beautiful even without makeup.

I loved that he always shared his breakfast with me.

This list could go on forever ……
……. but I hate that all of this is written in past tense.

 

A-to-Z Challenge – The Letter G

Gone are the weeks
When you’d make me smile
By spending time with me
For just a little while

Gone are the days
When in the morning I’d wake
To see what you’d written
And my breath you did take

Gone are the hours
That you took time to call me
And with your little accent
You’d remind me we are we

Gone are the minutes
When you’d tuck me in
Saying “gnight babe”
Again and again

Gone are the seconds
When I’d see your face
And with my finger
I would slowly trace

Gone is the moment
You changed my life
Then you confessed
That you have a wife